As we anxiously await the birth of our baby I'm getting a little stir-crazy. This week Jeff is going on a retreat with Twin Rocks staff, but of course I can't go because of work. Then for the next month he will have weekly meetings to prepare for a 9 day trip to Mexico with our church, which I can't go on also. So I'm feeling a little down. And I still don't know what I'm going to do next year as far as whether or not I work. All this frustration about decision making and resentment toward Jeff and his freedom is building up inside me and sometimes I get really upset (piles of pregnancy hyper-emotion feeding into it too). At this point I feel like I'd be strechted way too thin if I were going to try to focus my energy on my work, my husband and my baby (not to mention our wonderful but very needy dog). So I don't really want to work next year...but in this economy, is it wise to quit a secure job that offers great insurance? I pray about it a lot, and sometimes I feel a peace in my heart about not working next year, but then the next day, I look at our finances and I feel like I need to work in order to keep us afloat. I still don't feel that I have a clear message from the Lord. I would really love for God to just close a door, so that I know exactly which way to go, but I don't think that he works that way very often. I think he's going to make me make a decision.
If you think about it, please continue to pray for us as wrestle with these decisions, and for me, that I'll be able to handle life while Jeff is away.
4 comments:
Emily - thanks for being so honest! What a hard decision... and so many things to feel left out of... When I start to feel that way (which is happening a lot these days actually) God reminds me that I was the one who got to feel the baby growing inside me, I was the one who got to know her personality first and I am the one she truly prefers, even though she loves her daddy very much. Being pregnant and having a child is in some ways very sacrificial, but in other ways it is so rewarding and inclusive.
We'll definitely keep praying for you and your decision regarding work. I'll also be praying that you'll feel significant peace in the present. Good luck with all your emotions - this really is a very beautiful time. Ellie can't wait to meet her cousin!
Emily-you are entering a grand new part of your life-Parenthood! It's wonderful and challenging; at the sametime!You're challenges are just beginning:) How do you manage home,life,family and work?You and Jeff will find your path!Everyday will be a blessing(sometimes hard to find!)and exhausting!But you will adore each day. Just wait till that special gift shows up.Life will start to make sense !
Hi Emily-
I totally felt the same way in both of my pregnancys. Plain old left out. It was really hard. I do feel that it forced me to find some of my own individuality. Things that I COULD do that I didn't really ever think of doing. It is still a battle for me when I am at home with the kids and Nate is skiing,etc. But the key thing to remember with being a parent is that every stage is just for a time being. A new challenge, joy, adventure is just around the corner....and without the crazy prego hormones!
You look beautiful!
Thank you all for your comments! What kind, inspirational words. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in these feelings, but that other wonderful women have been there and know that there are great things to look forward to. I appreciate your wisdom. Feel free to pass it on whenever you want!
I am starting to feel better about it all. I think maybe it was good for Jeff to be gone for a few days because it gave me a chance to sit quietly and just focus on the Lord. I feel more at peace about the fact that no matter what decision we make, there will positives to it, so I just need to keep focusing on the positives, and not the negatives.
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